All of you reading my blog will get the skinny on this, but all those poor schmucks that don't read it are about to get a surprise on Facebook. I'm going to announce that zombies have taken over New York and that the military is rushing in trying to contain it, but a few will escape by train. While I'm keeping you informed of the "grisly events," one of the undead will make her way to me . . . with disastrous results.
This is the comeuppance people deserve for sending me virtual gifts like "A little bitty pink pretty pot" and all that shit (Metal virtual gifts are okay). I'm not going to tell them I'm faking it. I'll say I heard it on the news.
Watch worldwide panic ensue.